Proving it is possible to simultaneously suck and blow, I bring you WHIRLICANE, the next in our 2008 line of turkeys. Whirlicane combined a hideous costume, a laughable name, and mediocre powers to create a villain so unmemorable, so pedestrian, that even Dan Jurgens and Eddie Berganza wouldn't touch him. The Whirlicane was lucky if he got eaten alive by anti-matter in any background panel of Crisis On Infinite Earths. Pathetically mismatched against Superman in the first place, his only major appearance found him an afterthought in a story where 95% of Superman's mental energy was devoted to trying to reveal his secret identity to a sick ten-year old child.
Action comics #457 is, of course, most famous for this beloved Internet favorite:
Hahaha. Oh my. No, but see, Superman's not gonna rape anybody. After an encounter with Whirlicane, Superman flies to the hospital to visit his old friend Pete Ross, whose son is dying. Jon Ross has some unspecified disease, and has lost the will to live, but Pete says that Jon idolizes Superman, and a visit might help the boy pull through, and oh yeah, could you maybe reveal your secret identity to him since that's all he ever talks about? Thanks! Superman agrees to try, but the kid won't believe him! So Clark takes Jon with him through a typical day while the skeptical kid debunks his repeated attempts to prove that he is, in fact, Superman.Superman also is trying to track down Whirlicane, who managed to escape him earlier:
That right there is about as good as it ever got for the Whirlicane. Suffice to say, that Superman returns later, with Jon in tow, to round up Whirly in a particularly show-offish manner designed specifically to amuse the kid. Then they return to Clark's apartment, where Jon is finally convinced that Clark is Superman by snooping around in his medicine cabinet and finding... NOTHING! The kid reasons that only Superman would have an empty medicine cabinet, and therefore Clark is Superman. The kid regains the will to live, cue happy ending, and Whirlicane is never seen again. At least not until now, with his inclusion in our hall of turkey infamy! Congratulations, lame-ass!
7 comments:
Not very much familiar with the story, but I wonder-- Was Jon's memory about Clark Kent erased or something? Back in the day, everyone that knew Superman's secret, got that knowledge removed at some point.
Absolutely, probably, not...unless it was.
But the Whirlicane did return! It was in Superman # 303. He had a pair of weather-powered robots, Thunder and Lightning with him. At the end, they blowed up real good. End of story.
Thanks for the slice of turkey, (I actually think I have this one ) UuuUUURRrrrrpp ('scuse me... )it didn't settle very well, especially the subliminal cover. tsk-tsk... naughty Supes! Just naughty.
Hey, Brian Hughes! I like how you shut off the comments on the "Red Hulk's Offensive Line" article to avoid giving an answer to a simple question--an answer which you obviously do not possess. Pretty cowardly way to handle the whole thing. I wonder if you thought that would solve your problem of being held accountable for what you write? I'm thinking it won't.
Anonymous is just so darn brave.
And I'm being sarcastic as well.
It's compulsive but sad. I had to look up Superman #303 to see Whirlicane's 2nd appearance. It's a crime that this guy never graced the cover of a comic book. At least he made it into a "Best of DC" collection. :-)
Post a Comment